The Tales Behind the Texts
by RedAlert98
Summary: You've read and laughed over Wally and Dick's Text Messages...now here's the stories behind them. Wally and Dick being bros, and little hellions in general - Humor, Friendship, Shenanigans, Rated T for safety, No Slash
1. Chapter 1

From Chapter 21 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages...

The computer lab at Wally's high school was a great place to do a tiny bit of schoolwork while shooting the breeze with your fellow students, or sneaking onto an online game when the teacher stepped out (which was pretty much the whole time). However, there was always someone looking over your shoulder at what you were doing on the computer, so it'd better be above board, or you'd better not give a hoot about what others thought. Sometimes you'd attract a crowd if the youtube video, or a meme, was good enough, but not often.

Wally was trolling on 'the REAL Boy Wonder-ful' 's facebook page, which really was Robin's actual hero facebook page; the thing is, there were so many fake ones that nobody but him and Rob knew that it really WAS the real young hero's facebook account...(well, Batman obviously had to know, but they'd never gotten in trouble for it so it was cool). Rob just used it to troll other people claiming to be Robin on facebook. It was vastly entertaining.

Just as Wally was replying to a comment, a notification sounded on his phone. It was from 'Master of the Aster', and all it said was,

 _D: look up shaved bears_

He knew this was gonna be good. Crowd worthy, even. "Hey guys, c'mere," Wally called to the room as he typed 'shaved bears' into the search bar.

"Why?" one of the girls Cindy asked; she wasn't gonna get up unless it was worth it.

"Last I saw you were fanboy-ing over Robin," Ronnie, a casual friend, pointed out.

Wally clicked on image results - a girl behind him yelped and exclaimed, "What is THAT?!"

"Holy crap," Wally breathed out, looking at the images. People started gathering around him and his computer screen;

"Oooohhh!"

"What the hell, West?"

"Turn it off!"

"What IS that?"

"Stop shaving bears!" sounded across the room; at least 8 people were gawking at it as Wally texted Dick back, shaking his head.

 _W: dude_

 _W: WHY_

* * *

 **I will NOT be writing a story for EVERY text in Wally's and Dick's Text Messages, ain't nobody got time for that!**

 **There will be at LEAST 20 chapters for this fic, each chapter featuring one text conversation (therefore they're short chapters); not updated on a schedule.**

 **This is just gonna be a simple series where I can type a chapter in 30 minutes. I need more simplicity in my writing - it takes me hours on end, sometimes a whole day, for a regular story or chapter, ha**


	2. Chapter 2

From Chapter 6 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages...

Dick thumped his backpack down on a desk, and proceeded to dramatically fall into his chair. Loosening his tie at the risk of an even longer detention, he looked longingly out the window. Narrowing his eyes, he thought of all his options for revenge.

Discreetly pulling out his phone, after making SURE it was on mute, he stealthily sent Wally a text.

 _D: in detention_

It was a really long 48 seconds until his traitorous friend texted back.

 _W: rough dude_

Oh sure. Like he was really sympathetic about it.

 _D: saaaaave me, this is all your fault_

About this time Wally would be heading home, or maybe straight to the Cave. Maybe Dick could override the system and lock him out...

 _W: what ya get nailed for_

Did he really want to play that game?

 _D: you changed my ringtone to a VERY inappropriate song and it went off in class!_

 _W: ... lol_

 _D: shut up_

Dick shoved his phone into his pocket, sighing dramatically as he rested his head in his arms on the desk.

Earlier that day...

Mrs. Manchester was writing the steps for a calculus problem on the whiteboard, her dangly crescent moon earrings swinging back and forth distractedly.

Dick was drawing the sign of the Deathly Hallows in the corner of his paper, when the unbroken, almost-silence was violently shattered. The loud lyrics of a Kid Rock song had suddenly made everyone jump in their seats and look around, their expressions the epitome of the phrase 'wtf'.

Half the class began digging into their bags to see if it was their phone; Dick frantically pulled his out, saw a new message, and muted it; he sat there, eyes closed as he cringed.

"Mr. Grayson," Mrs Manchester addressed him, while the whole class stared.  
"Yes ma'am," he replied, his voice weary,  
"Detention," she simply stated.  
Dick fought the urge to sigh, while mentally cursing Wally out; the speedster must have changed his ringtone last night during root beer pong.

"Yes ma'am."

He was definitely gonna kill 'im.

* * *

How about them shaved bears?! Ah sorry to everyone who actually looked them up, lol

Thanks and shoutout to xxkelsey39 , who initially tossed the idea my way for a 'the story behind the texts' fic; at first I was like, 'but there's way too many texts!' but then I figured, hey, nobody said I have to do ALL of them, so here we are :) Booyah xxkelsey39!

I won't stop writing Wally and Dick's Text Messages, it will just be a little while until I have enough material for another chapter :) No worries there, guys!


	3. Chapter 3

From Chapter 20 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages ...

"And you're sure your hand doesn't need some ice?" Iris asked, giving Wally a concerned look as she filled up the sink.

"I'm totally fine Aunt Iris," Wally told her from where he was sitting at the kitchen table, "Don't worry about it."

The two were talking about Barry and Wally's last mission, where the teen had hyper-extended his hand a bit.

A text alert suddenly sounded on Wally's phone, distracting him from the conversation. It was a picture from Dick...

 _D: *sends picture from tall building*_

Okay, where was he going with this?

 _D: i'm gonna jump_

Wally snorted in amusement. Was this supposed to worry him?

 _W: do a flip_

"What are you grinning at?" Iris asked as she rinsed the skillet.

"Just a pic Dick sent me," Wally mumbled, but Iris only heard two of the words he said.

"WHO are you getting dick pics from?! Wally I thought you knew better than this! Do you want your mother to find out about what you're doing?!" she exclaimed, gesturing violently with her soapy hands, flinging suds and water everywhere.

Wally's eyes had gone wide with panic at what she had come to the conclusion of, and cut off her rant by trying to explain the misunderstanding.

"What?! No! No, that's not what I said or meant! Dick sent a picture, it wasn't a dick pic, it's a picture from Dick! Ah I mean Richard! Richard sent me a picture, it was a picture from Richard! He sent me a picture that has no relation or relevance to the word 'dick' other than the fact that it's the nickname of the person who sent me the picture! Look, this is what he sent!" Wally desperately explained, showing her the text conversation with the picture Dick had sent.

After finally realizing the mistake, Iris leaned wearily against the counter, facepalming with a soapy hand.

"Sorry Wally," she groaned, then shook her head and confusedly said, "I get 'Rich' or 'Rick', but how do you get Dick from Richard?"

Wally wisely did not reply.

* * *

Be thankful your name is not Dick. LOL.

I'm STILL laughing over your guys' reaction to shaved bears.

I see all your requests for the texts to make a chapter for, and will do as many as I can! Sorry I didn't do one of them for this chapter, but I couldn't wait on this. XD

SHoutout to The Little Svecica! I will get to the 'you dont get to call and say you might be dead' text - booyah :)


	4. Chapter 4

From Chapter 22 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages ...

The transition from being asleep to waking up was very confusing, and Dick kinda just laid there in limbo for awhile. It was pitch black no matter if he opened his eyes or closed them, and besides, his head felt really foggy. He was tired.

Drugs, maybe? That's funny, he didn't remember being kidnapped. He could feel his limbs, although they were kinda tingly yet numb at the same time. The memories weren't very clear...in fact, he really couldn't remember anything for the past...day, maybe? How long had he even been here?

Aw, crap. What if he was dead? It was so still, and everything felt detached...this was weird. Yep, he was probably dead.

Wally was gonna be ticked. Dick didn't even know what had happened, and who knows how long before Wally did either? Other people would react to his death too, but none were quite as dramatic as Wally. It would be best for his best friend to get the news from Dick himself.

Sluggishly, he felt for his phone in his pockets; might as well call him and get it over with. Huh. That's weird; he wasn't dressed as Robin, but in his normal jeans, sweatshirt and jacket.

He cursed at the sudden brightness of his phone screen, but his eyes adjusted after a minute. Wait, what was he thinking? You don't have cell service when your dead...

Hang on, the phone was showing bars. Dead people have cell signal?!

WHY hadn't his parents ever called him?!

Well, in all fairness, mom never could keep track of a cell phone. But surely dad...

Oh man, what if the numbers Dick thought were telemarketers were actually his dad trying to call him, and he went ahead and blocked the numbers?! Dick sighed; he was such an idiot sometimes.

Eventually he got to Wally's number and managed to dial it. Oh, he was at 1 percent on his battery. Just great.

Wally picked up on the 4th ring.

"DUDE!" Wally exclaimed when he answered; Dick winced. Why did he have to be so loud?

"Hey Wally, I think I might be dead and wanted to let you know, but don't overreact or anything cause then this is gonna be more stressful than it already is...hello?"

Oh. his phone died. Wally probably only heard the first 4 seconds of what he said.

Well, he had his cell phone which was useless now that it was dead (he heartily sympathized with it), but if his cell phone came with him here, maybe his utility belt did too? And the radio that was in it?

His movements were uncoordinated, but Dick did manage to get it out. He pushed the button on the side.

"Uh, Houston? We have a problem," he said into the radio. Wait, why was he joking around? This was a serious matter.

"Where are you?!" an urgent voice that Dick identified as Bruce replied from the radio.

"Houston, that's the problem. I don't know where I am or how I got here. I think I'm dead though. But if you can track my signal, that would be cool."

A very disorienting 5 hours passed in a blur of light and noise as he was picked up by Batman (is he dead too?), rushed into a medbay (oh, so he wasn't dead; awesome), threw up from the array of drugs in his system (is that why he couldn't take anything seriously?), underwent surgery (surgery? what did he need surgery for?), then spent the remaining two hours unconscious.

Dick was pulled from unconsciousness by an incessant 'ding!' over and over.

Everything hurt, he couldn't remember what the heck happened, and this 'ding' coming from his side table was making his head pound. He was suddenly aware of someone sitting next to him; Dick felt Bruce's heavy hand gently press against his forehead.

"You want to answer that?" Bruce gently asked, amused.

"What happened?" Dick groaned as his phone was handed to him.

"That," Bruce said, shaking his head, "Is a good question."

Dick sighed, then glanced at his phone screen.

 _W: HEY_

 _W: YOU DON'T GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD_

 _W: THEN HANG UP AND NOT ANSWER THE PHONE FOR 7 HOURS_

He gave Bruce a look of pure bewilderment.

"Wait, what?!"

* * *

I will give this chapter it's own fic sometime so you know what happened XD

Oh and about the last chapter; I know I don't usually do that type of thing, but it was based on a mortifying experience that actually happened to me once when I was talking about Dick Grayson. It was actually kind of like therapy, getting it out there like that... O.O

Does anyone else have a problem with the website glitching with recent reviews?


	5. Chapter 5

From Chapter 22 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages...

Dick stood in the doorway of the bathroom, trying to recollect anything that would help explain...this.

He decided to get out his phone and consult his usual counterpart in disaster.

 _D: half the bathroom is flooded, what happened last night_

There were only a few seconds of waiting until Wally texted back.

 _W: dude those meds you are on for your arm make you crazy,_

Wait, what?

... * Last Night *...

"I'm getting kind of tired of this game," Dick said, putting down the controller. Wally noticed him cringing in pain, obviously from his arm. It's a pretty bad injury when the broken bone pierces the skin, which is exactly what happened 2 days ago.

"Why don't you take your pain meds?" Wally asked. Dick was sprawled across the bed with his face buried into the comforter.

"Cu 'z i mkes e'rythg fu - sy," Dick replied, speaking into the linen.

"It might make everything fuzzy, but at least it makes everything hurt less," Wally pointed out.

It took a few more minutes of coaxing, but Wally finally managed to get him to take a dose, which Dick pouted over. Wally noticed it starting to kick in shortly after, and couldn't help but be amused. The kid had burrowed underneath the covers, then made a joke about being 'undercover', then decided to crawl underneath the bed and wait for Alfred to come in so he could scare him. Wally joined him under the bed, but it wasn't long until Dick got bored, then started stressing about homework, and reprimanding Wally for letting him procrastinate. No matter how many times Wally told him they didn't have any homework, Dick would not believe him, and started emptying his desk.

"This is unacceptable Wally, what would your mother say?!" Dick exclaimed, dumping a whole drawer upside down. The heavy sound of rain outside suddenly attracted his attention.

"What...what's that?" he asked, pressing his face against the window. "I can't see anything!"

"That's because it's night, man," Wally explained, picking up the strewn desk contents. "Plus, it's raining."

"...Raining?" Dick repeated, then seemed to zone out. "Can we...go out?"

He suddenly sounded like a 5 year old, all wide eyed, innocent, and hopeful.

"Dude, no," Wally told him, taking the drawer from Dick and putting it and it's contents back in the desk.

Looking out the window, Dick sounded genuinely upset about this when he asked, "Why?"

"Because 1: it's a frigging cold rain, 2: its like midnight, 3: you're stoned, 4: Bruce wanted to you stay inside for a couple more days so you don't screw up your recovery from swinging around in a tree, and 5: because I said so."

Taking a seat on the floor, Dick looked up at Wally with an absolutely pathetic expression on his face.

'Don't look at the puppy dog eyes, don't look at the puppy dog eyes...' Wally thought to himself.

"But...but, I wanted to wear my alligator rainboots! I didn't get to use them this week! My gator boots, Wally!" Dick whined, his puppy dog eyes at level 10000000.

Wally continued his internal monologue; 'Oh no, his eyes are tearing up, don't cry don't cry please don't...oh crap he's crying,'

Eyes bluer than oceans had tears falling from them, and over the stupidest reason ever. Wally couldn't believe this. His mind scrambling for ideas; he ran to the closet, dug out the boots, then ran back and started putting them on Dick's feet.

He ended up being kicked for his efforts. "I can't wear them Wally if I can't use them! They were a present from Roy and I don't ever get to even wear them cause you don't wear them unless it's raining and you need to use them!" Dick exclaimed, staring at Wally with a scornful, tear filled gaze.

"Just...trust me on this, okay? You trust me right?" Wally earnestly asked,

"...Yes." Dick grudgingly replied. With his feet clad in his alligator rain boots, he let Wally help him to his feet.

Sniffling, Dick followed Wally into the bathroom, where the redhead turned the shower on. Finding a plastic garbage bag, he wrapped up the arm that Dick had a cast on so it wouldn't get wet, then literally picked up his friend and set him right into the stream of water coming from the shower head.

"Okay buddy, there's your water falling from the sky, now use your boots!"

Shocked from the cold spray of the shower, it took a moment for Dick to register what this meant. However, when things clicked, he hopped and splashed around with less reservation than a 3 year old.

"Hey, hey dude, look over here at me," Wally said, pointing the camera on his phone at his impossibly immature friend.

"Hey! No splashing the life guard!"

...

Dick took half the towels out of the hallway closet and dumped them on the soaked bathroom floor as he waited for Wally to reply. He noticed three empty bottles of bubble bath in the shower, and regretted not being able to remember the use of them.

 _W: you started crying because you didn't get to wear your alligator rain boots this week, so I turned the shower on and let you jump around in it_

Dick read this 3 times, then stood there lost in thought for a moment. Some scuba goggles were hanging from the towel rack.

 _D: you're the best friend ever_

* * *

Shoutout to twistyslinky - I don't think I've shouted you out! So booyah, and hope you enjoyed the chapter :)

As the conductor of this crazy train, I've decided to try something new and pilot a crazy plane, so come aboard if you dare...warning, there are no parachutes, so if I crash we're all screwed XD


	6. Chapter 6

From Chapter 31 of Wally and Dick's Test Messages…

Dick trudged along behind Alfred, having been drafted to help with the day's errands. The organic produce mart they were at was busy; busy enough for people to not pay attention to who they walked past, so at least he didn't have anyone exclaiming, "You're Wayne's kid!", "That's Richard Grayson, the kid Bruce Wayne took in!", or "Hey circus monkey, do a flip for us!".

One whole corner of the store was devoted solely to apples. Above it, an enthusiastic sign said, "An Apple a Day Keeps the Doctor Away!". The words seemed to be wanting to jump out of the sign and happily bestow you with apples until you agreed.

No sign should be that cheerful.

Smirking as a thought occurred to him, he started a text to Wally.

 _D: I have this untested theory that an apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough_

Dick was asking Alfred if they could get apples for organic apple pie, since it'd be healthier than just regular apple pie, when Wally responded.

 _W: we could test it on Roy_

'That is like the worst idea', Dick thought to himself.

 _D: ya, we could test it on Roy_

You know. For Science.

*Later that Day*

"Hey Roy!" Dick shouted to get Roy's attention, then beamed an apple as hard as he could at him. They were at a park in Star City - Dick and Wally had decided to test their theory while they were in civvies, cause even though Wally couldn't use his superspeed to escape, Roy was also restricted, and couldn't fire arrows at them.

Roy yelped when the apple hit him hard on the side of his thigh, then angrily yelled, "WHAT THE ***CENSORED***, GUYS?!"

Wally and Dick were standing about 40 feet away, observing him and his reaction (for Science), but when Roy furiously went after them they booked it out of there.

"According to the theory it was supposed to keep him away!" Wally complained as they raced to the nearest Zeta tube. Roy was hot on their tails; the only reason Roy hadn't caught them yet was because they'd gotten a head start.

"I told you it was untested, and no scientist gets it right the first time!" Dick responded, rounding a corner and temporarily losing sight of Roy. He hurriedly punched in the coordinates for the Cave, and just as they heard Roy's loud footsteps reach the corner, they were beamed to Mount Justice.

The computer announced their arrival, but they had no time to greet Connor or Canary, who were having a one-on-one training session, M'gann and Wolf, who were watching from the sidelines, or Artemis, who had arrived a minute before Robin and Wally.

"We've got like fifteen seconds to disappear!" Wally urgently said to Robin (who, yes, was wearing sunglasses). "Should we barricade ourselves in your bedroom?! Hide? Ambush him?!"

Robin had pulled up blueprints as they hurried across the room, attracting everyone's stares. "No, I'm thinking the hangar - wait, no the air vents!" Robin exclaimed, looking up in sudden inspiration.

"Is everything alright, you two?" Canary asked them, concerned.

"Are you under attack?" Artemis added.

"Okay no, everything is not alright, we are not under attack YET, and this is all cause Robin came up with this stupid theory and now -"

"Hey YOU were the one who suggested testing it!" Robin retorted.

"Well I-" Wally tried to counter, but he was cut off as the computer started announcing a new arrival…

"Run." Robin stated, and in a second the pair had disappeared.

A moment later everyone still in the room turned their attention to an irate Roy Harper, who exclaimed upon his arrival…

"Alright, where the HELL did they go!?"

* * *

Shoutout to Scarlet song Cerulean trails! Booyah, awesome reader! happy to keep you, and everyone else, entertained ;)

Okay so at around 2:30 am, I was 3/4 asleep when I came up with a funny story idea, prompt, call it what you will. However, between being more asleep than awake, a really bright phone screen, and the wonderful help of autocorrect, this is how that idea turned out:

'Steaks cycle when sunrise steaks Jr tries kidnap'

I don't remember what the story idea was, but I know it had nothing to do with steak. Any help trying to decipher what I meant to write would be great ;) Cause it really was a good idea, whatever it was. That, I remember.

It's kinda funny though, maybe we should make that our cult motto, induction words, or something. Lol.

"Steaks cycle when sunrise steaks Jr tries kidnap." The leader has spoken.


	7. Chapter 7

From Chapter 3 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages …

Dick honestly couldn't believe it. Seriously, Gotham Academy was Ivy League.

And the cafeteria still served pickled beets?!

It's not something that really affected Dick; Alfred always packed his lunch, but Babs got stuck with a rotten deal. She hated beets.

And so did Dick.

Babs and tried one yesterday. One. It was so gross, she threw up.

This was the last straw, something must be done. Something to make a statement. Something big, ambitious, prevalent!

Tomorrow he would strike - anonymously, of course. …

During lunch he snuck into the gym locker rooms, thick black trash bag in hand and lock pick in another. Nobody would think his absence from the cafeteria was amiss, he and Babs almost always ate outside under the Oak tree by the teachers parking lot (nobody bothered them there). Students were allowed to take their lunch outside, after all. To cover his absence from her, he had told Barbara that he needed to one of the teachers, then left to follow through with his plan.

Selecting the lockers belonging to the Seniors, he cracked the code or picked the lock of one at a time, taking the desired item out, then closing and locking them again. It was tedious and a little bit slow going, but he eventually got into a rhythm.

Checking his phone to see how much time he had left (15 minutes), he saw a text from Wally pop up on his screen.

W: _what r you doing_

Time was of the essence. He didn't have the spare minutes to explain his master plan, the reason, or the inspiration behind it. Best to be short and sweet. He typed and sent his response.

D: _stealing everyone's left shoe_

Well, their left gym shoes to be exact. There was only about a 5 second pause before Wally sent his response.

W: _okay_

'ok'? That was it? Oh. Wally must be texting Roy now. Definitely didn't have time to explain this to that one. He sure didn't have to wait long.

Dick's phone started vibrating since it was on silent; he answered it, holding it in place between his cheek and shoulder, and continued with his work. 10 more minutes….

"Dude, what the hell are you doing." Roy didn't ask, it was more of a statement, the kind that you say when you are 1000000% done. "

"None of your beezwax Harper, I'm a busy man at the moment," Dick replied; 5 more lockers, therefore 5 more left shoes to go.

"Whatever Wally told you was a lie,""

"He sent me a screenshot."

Silence….

"This is why you shouldn't be allowed to watch Lilo and Stitch. One line from a Disney movie and this is what you go and do - look, dude, just don't get caught."

"Thanks Roy."

"Have fun,""

"I am."

"See you later moron. Bye."

*Later that day*

During the middle of class a voice over the intercom interrupted, saying "Helen, could you please come to the gymnasium immediately." Helen Riley was the forensics teacher, but everyone called her Helen, even the students. Surely they weren't making such a big deal out of a prank?

Ronnie, a student who had asked to be excused to use the bathroom, slipped back into the classroom at that moment.

"The seniors are in the gym and flipping their sh*t, someone stole their shoes from the lockers" Dick heard him whisper to another classmate; time to send the ransom note.

Basically what it said what 'if the beets don't go, the shoes will.'

Several minutes later, in which the news had spread to the rest of the class (and probably rest of the school), the principal's voice spoke on the intercom; "Attention to the teacher and student body, we would like to inform you that beets have now been discontinued from the cafeteria food; thank you." Dick grinned, glowing over his bizarre success and insane methods. Later he learned that apparently the seniors had thrown a fit, and their parents had seen the missing shoes as a security and privacy concern, and were all over the school about it. So they discontinued beets, and Dick sent a message with riddles leading to the missing shoes. In the end, everyone was happy; well, at least Dick and Babs were. Everyone was talking about it for weeks; Barbara was one to not be fooled.

He knew she knew, and she knew he knew that she knew, so it was an unspoken understanding.

Because, as Dick overheard one student, Miss Crock, say in the hallway, "Who the hell steals everyone's left shoe?!"

* * *

So this wasn't as funny as it was supposed to be. Darn.

Gotta get through the writers block somehow though!

Happy new year by the way everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

From Chapter 11 of Wally and Dick's Text Messages…

"We've already passed this street, Roy."

Wally and Roy were on their way back from a laser tag tournament, and currently lost because Roy refused to use the GPS - "I know where we are at, Wallace, its a shortcut!"

He then turned down a street they hadn't been down, and immediately their eyes bugged out.

While Roy cussed in bafflement, Wally whipped out his phone:

 _W: theres an old man in nothing but his bathrobe in the middle of the street_

And the bathrobe wasn't even tied _shut_. The cars ahead of them were slowing down, a one person yelled out their window at him.

 _W: everyone is having to slow down so he doesn't' get hit._

The old man's response was to start doing corny karate moves, chopping and kicking the Subaru in front of them. In his very loose bathrobe.

 _W: he's doing kung fu on the car ahead of us now. And i repeat, he is in nothing but his bathrobe._

"My eyes are burning, Roy, turn around!"

"I can't, there's people behind us!

Wally looked behind them, and saw a woman and her kids in a minivan. He sympathized with their horrified faces.

 _W: scarred for life dude._

Why wasn't Dick answering yet? This was the kinda crazy you wanted to read in live action. Roy, meanwhile, was next to him using his full vocabulary. The Subaru made it's getaway, and they were now next in line.

 _W: Roy is now using his more colorful words. we're crawling at 5mph_

"Don't you dare, don't you ****ing dare," Roy muttered; the guy was mere feet away from the hood…

 _W: shit now the guy is karate chopping our car_

"The **** are you doing, go take your meds! I'm gonna floor it if you don't move, dammit!" Roy was shouting out the window, "Get the hell away, I don't wanna catch your crazy! The ****, dude?!"

 _W: sending you a video of Roy yelling at him._

 _D: no dont im crying of laughter._

Finally

 _D: was sitting in at one of Bruce's meetings. they kicked me out._

Ha.

The crazy guy was now standing on one leg while holding the other one up by his head, like a cheerleading pose.

"Don't look Wally, don't look," Roy pleaded,

 _W: wow, hes flexible._

What the guy did next was practically a belly flop onto the hood - Roy answered appropriately.

 _W: the guy is trying to climb onto the hood. Roy is laying into the horn_.

He finally got off the hood, and shouted something at them; Wally didn't understand any of it, but Roy exclaimed, "Did he just ****ing call me 'Clarence'?!"

 _W: he just called Roy 'Clarence'_

The guy started moving away from them, but when they turned around to watch him, he gave them a real show; Roy actually did cover Wally's eyes this time.

 _W: deliberately mooned us. Is doing kung fu on the car behind us now._

The poor mother in the minivan looked like she was trying to shoo the guy away, while at least one of the kids was crying, one had rolled down the window and was whacking him with a pool noodle, and the teenager was on her phone videoing.

 _W: It's like Austin Texas all over again_

He mentioned this at Roy, trying for a bit of humor, but Roy looked shellshocked, and didn't say anything for a good minute.

 _D: you and I remember Austin very differently_

"Pfft, Roy, in Austin Texas last year, was there or was there not a naked guy in a sombrero hat and cowboy boots down by the-"

"Wally," Roy interrupted, "Call the cops. There's been an escape from the psych ward."

* * *

This is based off of a true story is the last town I lived in; I never had a personal experience with it, but MANY people had XD The neighbors ALWAYS knew when he was off his meds! Lol

(he wasn't in a psych ward)

Why? I have noooo idea


	9. Chapter 9

"Roy, can I use your phone? Mine is dead," Dinah asked, reaching for his device in anticipation of Roy's answer.

"Sure," he replied, just as she grabbed it and gave him a winning smile in thanks. Next to Dick, Dinah had the purest smile ever.

And either way, who says no to Dinah? Definitely not Roy.

"So how is apartment living? Hate your neighbors yet?" She asked, bemused.

"They're only moderately unbearable; after dealing with Wally and Dick for years it kinda pales in comparison."

Dinah hummed in agreement.

"I'm gonna use the bathroom then go see what's taking Ollie so long," Roy announced, standing up and leaving the room. They were at the mansion, waiting for Oliver to bring up some files on a case he wanted Roy's help on.

A text notification suddenly interrupted Dinah's youtubing on Roy's phone. It was from Dick.

 _D: your boyfriend is a dumbass, kill him. also do ghosts still exist?_

She could have sworn her heart missed a beat. What was he talking about?! Dick would never, ever, kill someone or encourage it.

Wait….Roy has a boyfriend?

Wally then responded to what must have been a group chat.

 _W: he is a dumbass but attractive so I'm gonna wait one more day_

Hang on, WALLY is the one with a boyfriend?! And he's actually going along with this?!

*ding*

She didn't mean to even read any of these from the beginning but they were literally on a banner across the screen…

 _W: I'm not sure on the ghost front I guess we'll have to see after I kill my boyfriend and put his gravestone in my backyard_

That was it.

She raced to where she figured Oliver was stalling, finding him in the kitchen making a snack as she suspected…Dinah kept replaying the texts in her head, surely she misunderstood something, the boys would never do this, and what the HECK did they mean with this 'ghost' thing?

"Oliver!" She exclaimed, and proceeded to tell him what was happening so quickly you would have thought she was a speedster.

Oliver's first response was, "Wait, Wally has a boyfriend? And its not Dick?!"

"Oliver! Focus!"

"Okay, sorry!"

"What do we do?"

"I dunno, tell Bruce?"

"But shouldn't we talk to them first!"

They went back and forth like this for about a minute, in which Roy heard their panicked tones and followed the sound of their voices into the kitchen.

"Whats going on!" He shouted, interrupting them and diverting their attention upon himself.

At the same time, Dinah exclaimed, "Dick and Wally are gonna kill someone!" While Oliver shouted, "Wally's got a boyfriend but its not Dick!"

Not reacting, or even blinking, to either shouted statement, he looked from one to the other, and then to his phone held in Dinah's hand with the messages app open, and connected the dots.

Heaving a huge sigh that could have easily drained the room of air, he walked over and took the phone out of Dinah's hand. Her and Oliver just stared at him, bewildered over his apparent indifference.

After reading the texts in the group message, Roy typed:

 _R: you guys need to make it more obvious that this is about Sims_

 _R: and why does Wally have a sims boyfriend_

Roy then went into a lengthy explanation to Oliver and Dinah of what 'Sims' is, emphasizing that Wally does NOT have a boyfriend, and that they are not planning on murdering anyone, during which Dick texted back:

 _D: I hacked his account_

* * *

Lol those two. So, end of this year we get Season 3, ya? :D

Okay funny story that led to a hilarious misunderstanding in a private message with a fan. I wrote 'f-a-e-r-i-e', and this website censored it, like why?, so she had no CLUE what I was talking about and the asterisks (*) they used to censor it made it look like what I was saying was wildly inappropriate, it was so embarrassing but frickin hysterical. Anyway. Don't say the F word. Not the 4 lettered one, the 6 lettered one. XD

We back baby!

(I'm loving season 4 Flash)


	10. Chapter 10

From Wally and Dick's Text Messages, Chapter 48:

* * *

 **For just this chapter, THE ASTERISK * around a sentence means the sentence is being spoken in French! I didn't want to have to write the translation after every sentence.**

* * *

 _W: so you were sleeptalking in French last night_

 _..._

-Last night-

Wally turned onto his stomach, making sure he stayed on 'his' side of the bed on Dick's California King size luxury mattress. 'Why', he thought, 'won't my parents get me one of these'…probably because it wouldn't even begin to fit in his room. He'd have to ask about getting a bigger room.

He turned his head on the pillow and looked at Dick; all he could see was a mess of ebony hair sticking out from the blankets. His friend had fallen asleep an hour ago, while Wally had been asking advice on girls. M'gann, basically. Surely Dick had picked up on or noticed some of Bruce's tricks? He'd simply been told, "Become a billionaire."

Great, really helpful.

Dick started rustling around a little bit. He said Wally's name, but the rest of the sentence was lost on the redhead, as it was in a different language.

*"Wally, can you please turn down the brightness of your skin."*

What?

Oh. Must be sleeptalking. He felt pretty sure it was French. Didn't Dick have an Aunt who wasn't really his Aunt, but he called her that cause she was really close to his mom, and she was French and thats how he learned how to speak the language?

Something like that.

Wally fumbled to find his phone, opening his translation app when he did. It happened every now and again that Dick would get talkative in his sleep.

He kept talking.

*"Who is that in the corner?"*

*"Hello?"*

After reading the translation, Wally turned his head so quickly to look at the corners of the room he felt like he had whiplash.

Dick then switched to speaking English.

"The woman in the mirror just waved at me…"

And then he whispered, "Watch out for the red lady."

This was taking 10 years off of Wally's life.

Wally let out a very unmanly yelp as he was suddenly hugged by his best friend; Dick said "Have a great day at school," and then just as suddenly as he'd been hugged, Wally found himself pushed onto the floor.

Getting up off the cold floor while grumbling under his breath, Wally crawled back onto the bed only to find Dick in the process of stealing all of the covers.

"This is my right as a human."

Wally grumpily jerked half of them back onto his side, which elicited a response of, "I don't want your freedom, America, just blanket," from Dick. He then said, "I don't want to go, I am completely irresponsible."

"Dude, shut up," Wally told him.

"I'll trade you…" Dick said.

"Trade me what?"

"Harddrives."

"…Nerd. Go to bed."

"I would but there's a damn chandelier in the sky, why aren't they using machetes?!"

"I dunno dude."

"We'll just burn the videotapes then hide under the bed and blame Roy."

'Why didn't we do that last month?' Wally thought to himself. Would have saved a lot of hassle.

He then switched back to French.

*"Bruce, you can't just BUY Canada!"*

...

 _W: kinda sexy, kinda creepy_

* * *

you can't just buy Canada Bruce GOSH. lol.

It's a reflex for him I guess. :)

If you read Lazy Days at the Circus you'll know who I'm talking about in regarding Dick's "Aunt".

In my last chapter of WDTM I mentioned "Spring is here!"...never again am I making that mistake haha. A bunch of you were like, "Spring? What Spring?! Its blizzarding! SNOW! COLD!" and I mean, I get it, I live in North Dakota. We had a blizzard days after I wrote that. But it's spring to me, cause we are no longer 30 below 0 - yay!

Stay cool guys! (pun intended) XD


End file.
